The truth about darkness

A couple of weeks ago I walked off a cliff, into darkness.... I had no idea it was coming. But it is a darkness I know well. A darkness I thought I had defeated.

There are things I’ve learnt about the darkness....
In the darkness it is hard to tell a truth from a lie.
Yet somehow a voice* makes its way through the haze today.

“You do not belong to the darkness. The darkness is only passing."

In a moment of clarity, I know I have a choice.
I can believe a lie.
I can believe the truth....
I do not belong to the darkness.

“....its truth is seen in him and in you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining.” 1 John 2:8 TNIV
“You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.” 1 Thessalonians 5:5 TNIV

*much thanks to Mars Hill Bible Church’s Podcast and Rob Bell’s message from 29/5

Celebrities and band-aid solutions

I recently wrote a blog called "Celebrities and band-aid solutions" (on my professional blog) about how 'funky' poverty alleviation has become... unfortunately, the reality is that sometimes we can do more harm than good when we 'help' those in poverty. Check it out!

Celebrities and band-aid solutions

#2 Treasures of darkness

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:3

this passage from Isaiah has sustained me in some of the darkest moments of my life. I'll never forget the first time I read it... it was like it was written for me in that exact moment.

I was experiencing a seemingly never-ending darkness - depression - which I could not make sense of. It seemed that no matter how hard I worked at my mental health, and no matter how hard I trusted and prayed, it appeared pointless. And yet, as I read the above words, I heard the promise of redemption, of some kind of fulfillment... and there was hope. I realised that it was in the very place of darkness and incomprehensible pain that the truth would be revealed.

I have caught glimpses of the promise since. I have known the beauty of hope and the refreshment of light. I have seen the fruits of my time of darkness and I have been grateful.

But the darkness creeps back in. And I am struggling to find the treasure.

#1 Light Outside

I decided last night that in an effort to get writing again I would challenge myself to write 10 blogs in the next 10 days.... and then today happened.... so I really don't feel like blogging or saying much out loud (aka in type) at all. But here goes.



Well, it not really a blog, but this song by one of my favourite bands - Wakey! Wakey! -has become an absolute haven for me this past year. It is a poignantly beautiful and hopeful song. It is a song about our need for each other, our need for the hope and grace that comes through (real) relationship.

And this song has taken on a whole different level because my dear friend, mentor and the man who, along with his family, 'saved' and cared for me in my darkest moments is facing a very uncertain future - and possibly his fourth brain surgery in 12 months. In my own pain and confusion I long to speak light and hope in a dark situation.

We all should....

Beauty will save the world

There is something so generous and hopeful and freeing about this quote. I don't fully understand or comprehend it.... but I want to.
I want to understand the richness of beauty, the power of beauty.
This quote reminds me of the cellist who chose to go into a bomb crater in Sarajevo day after day and play his cello while the war raged on around him.

And what does this mean for me? For us? How will this change the way I live? How do we contribute beauty to the world in our everyday lives?

"The Year of Journalling Fearlessly" by Lindsay Crandall

Recently I read "The Year of Journalling Fearlessly", a beautiful article by Lindsay Crandall at Curator Magazine and it moved, inspired and challenged me so much that I can't help but share.
Like Lindsay, I love notebooks, but haven't journalled in years. Yet over recent months I have been longing to write more and create more... to see more and document more as a way of stretching my writing... to open myself up to observing creativity and reveling in beauty. So the idea of a notebook without the pressure of a traditional journal was appealing.
So today I stopped by my favourite new bookstore near work - Kinokuniya - and purchased a bright red, blank page, hardcover Moleskine.
Armed with my favourite fine tip blue pen, I'm going to start filling the pages with the things that inspire me, the quotes that move me, and the thoughts that fill me days.
And as the Henri Nouwen quote suggests, I want to "discover what lives in us."

Resolutions Schmesolutions

During a road trip in the final days of 2010, a friend asked me if I was going to make new years resolutions.

1^st response: cynical laughter.

2^nd response: No! If the last few years have taught me anything, it’s not to make plans – life changes them anyway!

And now my 3^rd response: I’m a planner. I like making lists. I prefer predictability.... and I struggle with change.

But the reality is that life happens. I get Glandular Fever and Post-Viral Syndrome. My mentor suffers a massive stroke and endures multiple brain surgeries. The medication that helps manage long-term Depression, robs me of the ability to concentrate for long periods of time (making study and my love of reading difficult activities).

And so how can I reconcile these things and look ahead to the new year of 2011?

I am reminded of the old Carolyn Arends songs New Year’s Day; while slightly corny, it is definitely profound. After suggesting that we treat every day like it’s a new year’s day, the bridge says:

Every day is...
one more chance to start all over
one more chance to change and grow
one more chance to grab a hold of grace
and never let it go
New Year's Day - Carolyn Arends 1997

Perhaps in reflecting on the year that’s been and planning for the year ahead I should focus more on my hopes and dreams, my ability to grow and adapt and transform the way I see myself and the world and the God who created it all.

I’m not sure yet how to achieve this... there is still plenty of things I’d like to accomplish this year (finally finish my BA for instance!). But I’d like to resolve to LIVE more, to see beauty, seek justice, be intentional in my relationships, be creative... and when unexpected things come along to embrace them, experience and grow through them.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

P.S. Of course, I couldn't resist, and in the last few days have jotted down a number of goals for 2011! But I hope I can be more lenient with them. I don't want to measure my success or failure in 2011 simply by whether I achieved my goals or not.

I am but a pencil...

I started in a new job recently. And like most people in a new role, I’ve had my fair share of doubts and meltdowns over the last few weeks. Why on earth did they hire me? When will they realise how bad I am at this job? Do they remember that I’m not technically qualified for this role, and I’m figuring it out as I go??

At the same time, however, I have been able to regularly remind myself that I am blessed. I have been chosen to be a part of an organisation that I whole-heartedly believe in, and do a job I never imagined I would have the chance to do. That is, combine my two loves of writing and social justice.

As a communications coordinator, will I be able to sufficiently put into words and design the importance of Jesus’ mission for justice, love and grace in our world; the importance of thoughtful development and missiology; the vital role we, the church, must play in speaking and acting against injustice, poverty, colonialism, empire and the oppression of others? And do my words honour the God whose kingdom I am trying to describe and live out?

And in my personal writing, how do I illustrate the hope and grace I have experienced? How do I make sense of the beauty in the chaos and brokenness?

Amongst all these thoughts, I came across this beautiful quote recently:

I am but a pencil in the hand of a writing God – Mother Teresa

And my perspective changed! I am reminded that the God I believe in is so much more creative and mysterious then I can ever fathom! I am but a small instrument in God’s display to His creation. My challenge is to remain faithful to God’s voice and movements in my life, to the lessons I’ve learned, the realities I see. And then to allow God to speak and move through the words I write.

I love to write.... and I pray God does the writing....