I Spy Beauty...

A (sometimes) weekly post about beauty seen, heard or discovered

A young girl/woman from Sierra Leone stands before a room of a (predominately) white, privileged crowd and speaks of trying to overcome the scars of her past life in this new land. Of being given space and words through the wonderful work of Sydney Story Factory. This brave young woman moves me to tears as she shares a poem entitled, 'Home, away from home' and speaks of the hope she has in the power of words to free her from the demons of the past. 

Sitting across from a friend talking about life and religion and belief and sexuality and church and friendship and things in between. Knowing that while we share a common painful present, we share faith and hope and thirst for knowledge in so much more.

Listening to a political hero speak with astonishing grace and dignity about the depressing state of local and global politics. About the need for each and every individual to be a brave voice of peace and activism in a world obsessed with greed. And then showing us how it is done by living the example.

A educator, musician and conductor describes the intricate power and beauty of bringing a work of art to life. "And if no one comes to see it, it really doesn't matter. I followed the vision I was given"

Listening and singing along to old favourite hymns. Transported to memories of Grandma and Dad singing and teaching me the words. Words I still know in my heart today.

A week with many moments of beauty.... If I keep my soul open to see.

The year of living... Jealously?!

A few days ago a dear and talented friend told me about her current plans post graduation this year. I was taken by surprise- it is a gutsy and bold move that she's thinking on. One which will take her on many adventures.

And I started to get a bit sad (or cranky, I'm not really sure).

Part of the conversation went something like this:

Me: Why does everyone have to make all these big plans and leave me in boring old Sydney.
Friend: Sorry, but I like change.
Me: I HATE change. I run full tilt in the opposite direction from anything remotely change-like.

Later, I was thinking about my reaction and current penchant for self-pity about my situation (30, single, still no BA, negligible savings and a too-vague plan about becoming a writer).

The epiphany: I'm jealous!

Not of this specific friend, I wouldn't dare attempt what she is thinking of doing. But if I'm honest, the sadness I get when hearing about friends adventures, accomplishments, travels etc is just a little bit of jealousy. (Just for the record, I am also happy for and proud of my friends!)

I've been struggling with and thinking a lot lately about the zig-zaggy pattern of my young adult life. The disappointment I feel. The comparisons I continually make between my own twenties and that of friends taking more logical, straightforward paths. So many of my plans were waylaid by illness, crisis' and pains.

That's a lot of time thinking and a not a lot of time living!

And it doesn't really fit in with my word for 2013: fearless.

When I chose that word in January I knew what I was getting myself in for. I knew my fear and the way it can numb me to the point of inaction. And yet the first few months of this year have been so unsettling and difficult that being or doing something new (or brave) has seemed impossible.

And this thought reminded of something Sarah Bessey, one of my favourite bloggers, said on facebook earlier this year:

Yes, I have some hard work to do when it comes to achieving my goals, overcoming my tendencies to fear and accepting my own story. But Sarah challenges me to be mindful of the present, and to be present.

Which also reminds me of a Sara Groves song (what a surprise!), I Just Showed Up For My Own Life:

I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright
Copyright Sara Groves & Joel Hanson from the album Add to the Beauty

In order to 'work' at being fearless, I must first show up. I must seek, in this day, to love and show grace, to find beauty in the everyday and be mindful.

So, the cure for my jealousy.... Live my own life! Not particularly profound, I know. But an important lesson I'll probably be learning everyday for quite a while.

It is already looking a bit brighter.

I Spy Beauty...

A (sometimes) weekly post about beauty seen, heard or discovered

Rob Bell is a genius.

If I had to name one writer/thinker/pastor that has had the most influence on my adult faith, it's Bell. Each of his books have played a pivotal role in shaping my theology and practice, encouraging me and challenging me beyond myself.

His latest book What We Talk About When We Talk About God (HarperOne 2013) is, so far, no different.

Bell is not only a thinker and theology, but he is good, creative writer. He has a way with words. This week I have been deeply moved by his thoughts on the depths and limits of language...

"So when we talk about God,

we're talking about our brushes with the spirit,
our awareness of the reverence humming within us,
our sense of the nearness,
and the farness,
that which we know,
and that which is unknown,
that which we can talk about,
and that which eludes the grasp of our words,
that which is crystal-clear
and that which is more mysterious than ever.

And sometimes language helps,
and sometime language fails....

....For many people in our world, the opposite of faith is doubt. The goal, then, within this understanding, is to eliminate doubt. But faith and doubt are not opposite. Doubt is often a sign that your faith has a pulse, that it's alive and well and exploring and searching. Faith and doubt aren't opposites; they are, it turns out, excellent dance partners....

....conviction and humility, like faith and doubt, are not opposites; they're dance partners. It's possible to hold your faith with open hands, living with great conviction and yet at the same time humbly admitting that your knowledge and perspective will always be limited.

Do you believe the exact same things you did in the exact same way you did five years ago? Probably not....

....I believe that this is one of the most urgent questions people are asking at this time about the very nature of faith: Can conviction and humility coexist as the dance partners we need them to be?

I say yes, they can. I have seen it up close, and it's possible. It requires that we pay as much attention to how we are talking as to what we are talking about, and it requires us to leave the paradox as it is, the tension unresolved, holding our convictions with humility." (excerpt from pages 91-95)

If you want to know about more on what the books about, watch this.
 

Words for Wednesday

“Thomas Merton wrote, “there is always a temptation to diddle around in the contemplative life, making itsy-bitsy statues.” There is always an enormous temptation in all of life to diddle around making itsy-bitsy friends and meals and journeys for itsy-bitsy years on end. It is so self-conscious, so apparently moral, simply to step aside from the gaps where the creeks and winds pour down, saying, I never merited this grace, quite rightly, and then to sulk along the rest of your days on the edge of rage.

I won’t have it. The world is wilder than that in all directions, more dangerous and bitter, more extravagant and bright. We are making hay when we should be making whoopee; we are raising tomatoes when we should be raising Cain, or Lazarus.

Go up into the gaps. If you can find them; they shift and vanish too. Stalk the gaps. Squeak into a gap in the soil, turn, and unlock-more than a maple- a universe. This is how you spend this afternoon, and tomorrow morning, and tomorrow afternoon. Spend the afternoon. You can’t take it with you.”
Annie Dillard from Pilgrim At Tinker Creek

I Spy Beauty...

A weekly (sometimes) post of beauty seen, heard or discovered

The past week was a very dark one for me- the darkest in quite a while. The last few months have been difficult and it has been hard to find beauty... much less write about it. But this weekend, I was desperate. I needed something to give me some hope. All my usual standbys- prayer, exercise, reaching out to friends, music- had so far not made much of a dent into the dark cloud.

The first thing to come along was on Saturday night. I hired a DVD, made my scrumptious home-made chorizo, sweet potato and fetta pizza, and sat down with my mum to enjoy.

Liberal Arts was a surprisingly beautiful, funny and heartfelt movie. Its a coming of age story about coming of age... at any age. I was expecting a light romantic comedy, but it turned out to be a funny, heartfelt, profound and very deep story. Its about finding truth and beauty and reality in unlikely places; about embracing the season of your life, whatever that may be; about opening your eyes to the transcendent moments that happen every day, everywhere.

For example, there is a beautiful montage where the young college student Zibby has given the older graduate Jesse a mix of classical music to 'discover'. It's stunning and candid and hilarious.



The scene that spoke most deeply to me was a scene where Jesse is sitting in hospital with a young boy he befriended from college. Dean has just attempted suicide, but survived due to a phone call to Jesse at the last minute. (Note: the following is my paraphrase.) Jesse tells the young Dean that the horrid and dark place he is in will end and there will be a time when he will be able to appreciate the freedom and beauty of all that life has to offer each day. Dean asks in response if that is what is been like for Jesse since he left college? "Hell, No!" Jesse responds. But some days it has, and you learn to appreciate and see more clearly when the beauty comes along. I haven't really done the scene justice, but it is a beautiful, poignant reminder of grace and hope.

And then there are the random throwaway lines that stop you in your tracks like "Any place you don't leave is a prison".

Allison Janney (CJ Cregg from The West Wing) and Zac Efron also make brilliant and funny cameos.

You can watch the trailer here, but I don't think it really shows you just how beautiful this movie is. So go watch the whole thing!

Words for Wednesday

"The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach- waiting for a gift from the sea."

Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift From The Sea (1955, pg 17)

I Spy Beauty...

A (sometimes) weekly post of beauty seen, heard or discovered

Some Sundays I can easily pinpoint a piece of beauty I wish to share with the world. Other Sundays, like today, I rack my brain trying to think of something valuable.

It is at the end of weeks like this one, when the weight of grief and anger and tiredness and change impede my ability to see, that it becomes even more important to play 'I Spy...'.

Today I am grateful for countless cups of tea in the autumnal Blue Mountains.

Today I am grateful for Skype and the technology that bridges the space and time between me and my dear sister-in-the-journey in Miami.

Today I am grateful for the chance to share Sunday morning breakfast with dear friends who I have shared life and home with, but have had to move away from this week.

Today I am grateful for mentors who cry with me and make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts.

Today I am grateful for the afternoon sun on the back stairs where I can read a good book.

Speaking of which, I am very grateful today for this quote from Nichole Nordeman's Love Story, reflecting on the creation story:

"Every brushstroke and lyric and clay pot and arabesque and sonnet. Any moment, no matter how small, that seeks to reflect the Creator must travel this lonely predawn road. The Spirit must hover and hover over our deep darkness. That is, if it is to be called good." (Love Story pg. 2)

I have spied beauty. But I so often forget that beauty is found wading through the mess and darkness.

This might be one meaning of the cliched line 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'....

To spy beauty I must have eyes to see.

What are you grateful for today? What beauty have you spied?

Words for Wednesday

From the song 'Real To Me' on the album Brave (2005)

I Spy Beauty...

Iron Cove, Lilyfield

I found myself here early this morning... and most other mornings this week. There is something magical about sitting on a jetty with your feet dangling over the water. I'm not really a fan of being on boats or in the water that much, but sitting near water is like medicine for the soul. And finding somewhere within walking distance that I can escape to has been an immeasurable blessing the past few weeks.

I don't stop here for long, that would defeat the purpose of the early morning walk to use up the anxiety and adrenaline running rife in my body. But appreciating this sight is important as well. The moment of stillness, taking in the wide expanse of water and the early morning freshness, is as important as the exercise. It calms my soul in the same way getting the blood pumping through my body quietens the overwhelming stress in my body.

Movement and stillness. The two things that have made my week more liveable.

I Spy Beauty...

A (sometimes) weekly post about beauty seen, heard or discovered...

I'm in the mood where I come all untied 
I'm in the mood to say shit that'll change people's minds 
I love you, I swear it, I would never lie 
But I fear for our lives and I fear your closed eyes

What will your legacy be? 
'War Sweater' from the album Almost Everything I Wish I'd Said The Last Time I Saw You...

I've loved this Wakey!Wakey! song for a long time, but I've been listening to it again this weekend especially.

I love the stunning strings and classical piano. I am always a sucker for a song in a minor key. The closet rebel in me loves the attitude of the lyrics and lines like 'I'm in the mood to say shit that'll change peoples lives'. I love the transparency. 

I love that this is a beautiful song calling out the un-beautiful in religion and belief.

I've been thinking about these things lately. The way we blind ourselves with stubbornness. The way our fear of difference alienates and divides. The capacity for all of us (even progressives!) to hold to belief with a fundamentalist fervor and arrogance. I long for the day when we, as Christians, as humans even, can keep our eyes and hearts open. A day when we are willing to question our own certainties and embrace others in their certainties. As Sara Groves says, "I've got layers of lies that I don't even know about yet" (Eyes Wide Open from Firelies and Songs.)

War Sweater reminds me that our legacy as believers (whatever that belief may be) should be that we lived with the humility and grace that knows we haven't figured it all out yet- not one of us! We all have something to learn. There should be no need for truth to be worn like a war sweater. 

P.S. There's also a nice acoustic version here.