Paying attention #2

A few weeks back I wrote about paying attention. I described a new phase I am in, a new way of seeing that I am trying to instill in myself. This quote from Frederick Buechner sums up beautifully what I have experiencing and living these last few months...

pay attention to the world and all that dwells therein and thereby learn at last to pay attention to yourself and all that dwells within.... Literature, painting, music - the most basic lesson that all art teaches us is to stop, look and listen to life on this planet, including our own lives, as a vastly richer, deeper, more mysterious business than most of the time it ever occurs to us to suspect as we bumble along from day to day on automatic pilot. In a world that for the most part steers clear of the whole idea of holiness, art is one of the few places left where we can speak to each other of holy things..... If we are to love God, we must first stop, look, and listen for him in what is happening around us and inside of us. If we are to love our neighbors, before doing anything else we must see our neighbors. With our imagination as well as our eyes, that is to say like artists, we must see not just their faces but the life behind and within their faces. Here it is love that is the frame we see them in. From 'Art' in Whistling in the Dark by Frederick Buechner (pg 15-17)

Each day I seek to pay attention to the world around me in creative ways; to see things in new frames. I see beauty and mystery and chaos and pain. I see brokenness and transformation. And yet when the injustices, the politics, the immensity of non-grace might overwhelm me, when I begin to find within myself the same chaos and brokenness, I look to find the glimpses of mystery and grace. I look to find the holy in the commonplace.
I revel in the rich complexity of words in an Emily Dickinson poem. I marvel in the power of a single photograph to capture an entire story. I take the time to sit with a friend and speak of truthfulness and love and hope. I find therapy in the preparation of a wholesome meal.

This new way of seeing has been particularly helpful as I have begun work in communications with a church-based NGO who is seeking to alleviate injustice, transform communities and engage the Church in this mandate. I am trying everyday to see people with my imagination, to see their stories as well as their faces. I am conscious that how I communicate - whether it be through words or photos or design - should speak of truth and grace. I want to allow people to see the world in new frames, to 'see' people from places unknown with imagination.

I long to be creative and to witness creativity as a way of entering in to the mystery of being, the holiness of our world and the God who created all these things.

Songbird

I heard this song (and this artist) for the first time today, and it blew me away! It is so beautiful! It's one of those songs that I wish I'd written because it seems to sum up so perfectly so much of what's in my head and heart... but couldn't quite articulate.

Songbird

I want to be a songbird
And I want to sit on the tallest branch of the tallest tree
And I want to sing lullabies to Earth as she cries
But I really want to try and make her laugh.
I want to be a songbird

And I want to watch sunrise
With my love by my side
And I want to grow and I want to learn
I want a fire and I want to burn
I want to rise and I want to fall
I want to run and I want to crawl.
I want to be a songbird

And I just want to try to know how far and deep and wide
This love is that you give cuz that’s what it is to really live
To just try and look around
See when our breaths and hear you in our sounds
I want to be a songbird

Go thru things that I need
Make me hurt and make me bleed
Cuz I will arise and see the light
I’ll pray my way through the night
And I want to be a songbird

And I want to sing lullabies to Earth as she cries
But I really want to try and make her laugh
How you made me laugh
You made me laugh.

Take the strings and the things I use to tie me to the ground
Let them all be gone
I want to be a songbird.
- Jillian Edwards

Check out her album/ep 'Galaxies and Such' on itunes, Myspace, or CDBaby; or watch a live performance.

Good friends help us bounce back

October is Mental Health Month in Australia.

Mental health is an issue close to my heart. Not only have I suffered from Major Depression (formerly known as Clinical Depression) and anxiety for over 10 years, but I have watched as family and friends have journeyed through Anorexia, Bulimia, Bipolar Disorder, Dissociative Disorder, Depression and Anxiety disorders.

The reason awareness of mental illness needs to be raised is that while it is now one of the most debilitating illnesses facing society, it is also one of the most misunderstood and incorrectly treated - medically and socially. Sadly, I have often found that the Church is particularly unsympathetic and continues to espouse many false ideas about the issues surrounding mental health.

The two major realities are that:

• One out of every five Australians [about 20%] will experience some form of mental illness each year. Three out of every ten [about 3 %] will be seriously affected.
• Only one third of people (34.9%) with a mental health disorder used health services for their mental health problem. Mental Health Council of Australia

One of the major reasons that two-thirds of sufferers don't seek help is the stigma and lack of understanding associated with mental illness. But the fact is that mental disorders are indeed an illness AND just like illnesses such as diabetes or heart disease, they are totally treatable.

The Mental Health Association NSW has chosen for their slogan this October, "Good friends help us bounce back." I love this phrase for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, sharing a mental illness or struggle with someone can often be the first step in breaking the stronghold that it has on your life. Whether you seek help from a professional doctor or psychologist, or simply confide in your friend, change and hope will seem more achievable with someone alongside you.

Secondly, this phrase sums up perfectly the key to my personal recovery. Without the love and encouragement of a faithful group of friends, I would not be where I am today. I have been greatly blessed by people willing to wade into my darkness, sit with me, challenge me, cry with me, pray with me and remind me of hope when I have none.

Mental health issues are a prison that so many don't know how to escape. If you know someone today who is struggling, reach out to them; tell them they are not alone and that there is help and hope available. If you are struggling and feel that there is no hope, dare to reach out and seek help.

Here are just some of the great web resources on mental health:
Sane
beyondblue
Mental Health Association NSW

God bruise our heels

The new Jars of Clay album is amazing. Just when I think they can't get musically or lyrically better... they do. And because the new album is all about community, I already loved it before I'd even heard it.

The lyric that has been rolling around my head the most this week is this:

So God, bruise the heels we've dug in the ground
That we might move closer to love

It is always such a challenge to allow God to move us from where we are comfortable; whether that be in our actions, theology, doctrines or relationships. But the example that I see Christ setting is one of love above all else.
I can hold on to my beliefs and my interpretations of scripture and I can question people who don't see things the same way. But if I 'dig my heels in' and hold on to these things above loving that person in grace and mercy, then I've lost sight of Jesus' call on my life.
I know that far too often I need God to bruise the heels I've dug in the ground. May we love each other enough not to dig in our heels; and when we do, lovingly nudge each other to free them and find grace.

The tyranny of things

After I posted last night I re-read one of my favourite Wendell Berry poems, and realised how applicable it was to the issue of greed and the church.

We Who Prayed and Wept
We who prayed and wept
from liberty and Kings
and the yoke of liberty
accept the tyranny of things
we do not need.
In plenitude too free,
we have become adept
beneath the yoke of greed.

Those who will not learn
in plenty to keep their place
must learn it by their need
when they have had their way
and the field spurn their seed.
We have failed Thy grace.
Lord, I flinch and pray,
send Thy necessity.
From A Part (1980)

The Church

[Disclaimer: This post was inspired by this article about the current discussions in the Sydney diocese of the Anglican Church. The older I have become, the more confident I have become in my 'liberalness' and what some would describe as a social justice gospel (I just call it the gospel). This has meant that I've struggled for many years with the tension of disagreeing with many of the teachings and practices of these congregations, yet knowing many wonderful people who consider themselves part of this group of believers. I struggle constantly with believing what I believe and relating to other followers of God with grace and love when we don't agree. So while the following words are inspired by the Sydney Diocese I want to acknowledge that we have all failed the church in some way or another. I mean this as no specific judgment or offense. I am simply a fellow traveler seeking to make sense of faith in the reality of our world. We must all take responsibility for how we, as a global Church, love each other and the world.]

We bank and barter and argue, just like any other company. We accumulate and justify, just like any other group. But I have a sneaking suspicion (no, I should be bold)... actually a firm belief, that the Christian church is not supposed to be like any other company or group.
I know it's unhealthy to make simple judgments about very complex issues. The hierarchies, structures and businesses we have created within, and surrounding, the church are complex and intricate. What started out, I only hope, with the best of intentions has too often become a web of corruption, greed and moral judgment that have tainted the message of hope, grace and love we have to offer.
We have become apathetic to the compromises we have made along the way. I believe we have lost sight of what it really means to be 'in the world, but not of it'; to be both peacemakers and revolutionaries; to be uncomfortable, but help others feel comfortable.
I struggle to make sense of a church leadership that can find themselves in deep financial trouble while still holding onto great wealth, whether that be property or capital. To me it seems something of this situation reminds me of Jesus in the temple; in anger and frustration, turning the table on the money-changers and sellers.
In our gatherings, such as the synod meeting, should we not be asking ourselves how God has called us to love in real and practical ways? Should we not be questioning where our wealth and overflowing prosperity comes from and where it needs to go? How can we as a church stand out from other organisations in the way we are structure and administrate? Should we not be willing to 'live simpler, so that others may simply live'?

The stories we miss

The world news has been filled with stories about the tragic oil leak off the coast of America for over six months now, but large oil spills are old news in the Niger Delta. When I stumbled across this article back in June I was once again reminded of the lesson I've learnt almost every day of my degree....

There are stories all around the world that we never hear about. Stories, tragedies and realities that never make it to the news. When they miraculously do, they appear as a 100-word corner of the World Section, hidden at the back of our newspaper. And unless they have picture quality , they'll certainly never make it to our television screens.

Why are some events newsworthy and others not?

In this case, the same type of event has been happening in a developing nation for years on end with no recognition. And yet the spill off America's coast has had the media machine working overtime since the moment it happened. There is no doubt the spill in the Gulf is serious. It is a colossal environmental disaster. It is a window into the corruption and greed of the rich oil companies. And yet we haven't been at all concerned about the fact that thousands of Nigerians haven't had clean waterways and food sources for years.

The massive amount of wealth underneath the ground in Nigeria is not visible to a large majority of the nation and extreme inequality persists. There is corruption and greed rife in Nigeria at all levels of government and society. Western countries and companies continue to extract resources from this nation with little thought about the injustice and poverty it creates.

Change is desperately needed, in the way Nigerians treat each other and in the way the rest of the world treats Nigeria (and any other developing countries like it). If we ignore these stories, I believe we risk legitimising the corruption and greed of transnational corporations and the wealthy few of the world - which includes you and me. If we ignore the stories, what does it say about our capacity to really tackle injustice and poverty? I think King said it best....

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." Martin Luther King Jr.

Paying attention

"What we pay attention to is how we spend our lives."

Ann Voskamp

I've spent much of my life paying attention to negative thoughts and feelings - of self-loathing, of hopelessness, of mistrust, of fear, of hurt and anger. 'Life' has been consumed, and wasted, in paying attention to these things, and not really living at all. To some degree it was out of my control - it still requires daily medication to stay on an even keel - and yet, so often I made the choice to pay attention to these things above all else.

This morning as I sat enjoying my home-brewed long black and almond biscuits, reading this beautiful article by Sandra McCracken, I was reminded that I have a choice to be grateful for specific moments and things. I can choose to see the beauty, the grace, the blessing in any given moment. I can choose to pay attention to the comfort of a good cup of coffee and making fresh biscuits rather than giving attention to thoughts of fear and uncertainty.
I can choose to see beauty and hope in life rather than seeing no hope and endless darkness. I can choose to believe in a God of grace and love.
And in these choices, I believe I've paid attention to life and spent my time actually living it.
As Sara Groves says in her song 'Add to the Beauty':

Redemption comes in stange places, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are
And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story....
This is grace, an invitation to be beautiful

I want to pay attention to the things in life that tell a story of hope and redemption and grace. I want to spend time seeing beauty and creativity and abundant life.

Friday's inspiration

I've been inspired by quite a few things today: An invigorating and interesting job interview; a UNHCR photo exhibit; the new Brooke Fraser album 'Flags'; an (as always) interesting discussion about all things development, the church, human rights and missiology with my friend Bron; a Wendell Berry poem about loving our enemies; making a beautiful cabanossi cabonara and enjoying it with a glass of my favourite Margaret River shiraz. It was an enjoyable day, a day I'm deeply grateful for. But I was struggling to think of anything useful, constructive or coherent to write and then I saw this....

"What we pay attention to is how we spend our lives."

Ann Voskamp (Taken from Roots and Wings.)

I'm not sure yet what I make of this quote or why it struck me so much tonight... Let me think about it, and maybe tomorrow's blog will be a little more coherent!
Meanwhile, pay attention to life

Epiphany

Unclench your fists
Hold out your hands.
Take mine.
Let us hold each other.
Thus is his Glory
Manifest.
- Madeleine L'Engle from The Ordering of Love

This is a much more succinct and beautiful description of the truth that I have experienced over the last few years: It is living in community - true, honest, messy, loving community - that we experience the fullness of God.

Amen