Fearless is....

Fearless is joining a dating website after years of being cajoled by friends and family.

Fearless is speaking out about difficulties with people and groups in positions of power or influence when you think there are people being manipulated, abused or neglected

Fearless is continuing to speak out against abuses of power despite intimidation, because you know it is right and you have a voice.

Fearless is standing firm in your convictions in the face of bullying, rejection and even eviction from your home and community.

Fearless is believing in the God of hope and redemption even when you begin to lose your faith in the humanity and love of the Church.

Fearless is choosing not to believe you an unworthy part of God’s family.

Fearless is being gripped by the depths of grief- be it for a loved one or a situation- yet still choosing to wake up each day and take a new breath.

Fearless is moving alone to a suburb that has a notorious reputation.

Fearless is finally finishing a BA after six and a half years, despite multiple life-changing events and struggles.

Fearless is having a go at a job you have dreamed about doing, but have no idea if you can.

Fearless is purchasing your first tent and going camping for a whole weekend at a musical festival… when you have an aversion to mess and dirt and disorder. (and Fearless are the long-suffering friends who go camping with such a weirdo!)

Fearless is walking with a dear friend through their darkest valleys, no matter what.

Fearless is praying when all logic and reason says give up.

Fearless is being willing to say "I was wrong, I’m sorry and I love you".

Fearless is being humble in a world that demands ego.

Fearless is knowing when to speak up and when to quiet down to listen.

Fearless is seeing hope and possibility in the next moment.

Fearless is choosing to believe in yourself when all you’ve ever felt is unlovable.

Fearless is choosing to love. Period.

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A year ago I decided that I my resolution for 2013 was one word: Fearless.

I had a vague notion of pushing myself to be less trapped by fear in making decisions in my life. I had no idea that 2013 would become a fight. A struggle. A giant lesson in remaining fearless in the face of injustice, rejection, tragedy and the constant barrage of what life sometimes throws at you.

At the end of 2013, and in my weary state, I want to claim these lessons I have learnt about being fearless.

I Spy Beauty...

A (sometimes) weekly post about beauty seen, heard or discovered 

This is not the end
This is not the end of this
We will open our eyes wide, wider

This is not our last
This is not our last breath
We will open our mouths wide, wider

And you know you’ll be alright
Oh and you know you’ll be alright

This is not the end
This is not the end of us
We will shine like the stars bright, brighter
This is Not the End by Gungor (Copyright 2011)

I've been watching from afar as the community I grew up in has been battered by devastation. Fire came quickly with no warning, tearing apart peoples homes and memories. Hundreds are living with a real and present danger of even further destruction. The sun is glowing orangey-red in a haze of smoke. The long weeks of bushfire season still lay ahead.

I watch as friends, families, communities bear together. I hear stories of immense generosity, of care, of the hospitality of all the saints. 

This is not the end.

I sit with a friend in the deepest of pain. Life does not go to plan. No amount of empathy can alleviate the agony.

We sit. Tears. Silence. Quiet words of encouragement. Overwhelming anxiety. Hugs. More silence. More tears.

Pain and injustice and betrayal comes in threes and fours and fives it seems.

This is not the end, this is not the end of us.

It seems I can never stop questioning the whys and whens and how will we survive.

But because this is not the end....

We will shine like the stars bright, brighter.

Thank you God.

 http://gungormusic.com/

Words for Wednesday

"The answer must be, I think, that beauty and grace are performed whether or not we will or sense them. The least we can do is try to be there....

....I walk out; I see something, some event that would otherwise have been utterly missed and lost; or something sees me, some enormous power brushes me with its clean wing, and I resound like a beaten bell....

....Something pummels us, something barely sheathed. Power broods and lights. We're played on like a pipe; our breath is not our own."

- Annie Dillard from Pilgrim at Tinker Creek (1974; pages 10,14,15)

I Spy Beauty...

A (sometimes) weekly post of beauty seen, heard or discovered

The last few months have mostly felt like random glimpses of colour in a great big grey cloud. It has been a rather disorientating experience. I'm no stranger to darkness and grey. I know the path of struggle and hope quite well. But the most recent confluence of circumstances have rocked me to the core of my being- my sense of self, my place in this world, my faith in humanity.

So I went to the beach for a few days this week. Because the beach is my escape, the place I know I can breathe and find peace and gather just a little more strength to keep going. I am immeasurably blessed with dear friends and mentors who not only love me and care for me, but who own a beautiful little caravan a few hundred metres from a South Coast beach.

Afternoon walks on the beach in the winter sun are quite magical really. I found a large piece of driftwood and sat down to think and pray awhile. I was marvelling at the beautiful colours all around me.... thanking God for afternoons like this that remind me of beauty and hope and His presence. And then I looked up to see this....  

  

Only a tiny grey cloud above a big colourful beach. 

Beauty and hope.

I Spy Beauty...

A (sometimes) weekly post of beauty seen, heard or discovered

Once again, darkness and struggle make it difficult to see beauty.

When I am struggling to sleep there are certain tunes that soothe and help me to fall asleep.... Jon Foreman's Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring EP's are my current favourites. This week I have played "The Cure For The Pain" (from the Fall EP) countless times....

I'm not sure why it always goes downhill
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I've spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins
We're either riders or fools behind the reigns
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all away
But the water keeps on falling from my tries

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away
A lie to run, it would be a lie
It would be a lie to run away

It keeps on falling (x4)
Water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away
It would be a lie to run away
It would be a lie to run away
(The Cure For The Pain copyright Jon Foreman)

Maybe this song doesn't seem particularly encouraging to you, but one thing I have learnt this week: the time comes, some days, when the cure for the pain is to run right on into it.

In a number of ways over the past week, I have been gently reminded that facing pain and disappointment is what allows us to move beyond it.

The present pain might be... well, painful. But I've heard the promise that beauty rises from ashes, so I'm not going to run away.

Words for Wednesday

Be still and know that I am God.

Be still and know that I am.

Be still and know.

Be still.

Be.

Psalm 46

(From Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation, 12 June 2013) 

I Spy Beauty...

A (sometimes) weekly post of beauty seen, heard or discovered

This little postcard (artwork by Jordan Hamlin) has been stuck to my bedside lamp since it came with my copy of Sandra McCracken's In Feast or Fallow hymns album three years ago. The whole album, and in particular this lyric, has seen me through two of the darkest times.
And I've been playing it again this week. Even when I don't feel like I will endure or feel the hope of Christ, this song- and the piece of card I see first thing every morning- reminds me.

In the harvest feast ot the fallow ground,
My certain hope is in Jesus found
My lot, my cup, my portion sure
Whatever comes we shall endure
Whatever comes we shall endure
words & music copyright Sandra McCracken

You can find out more about Sandra McCracken's beautiful work at sandramccracken.com

Song in minor key

Life is like a song in minor key:

unresolved moments, seemingly discordant

achingly beautiful.

Hints of deeper, darker

truth

awakening in notes

you least expect.

Sadness turns to joy

as each note reveals the whole.

There is beauty in the dark notes.

Words for Wednesday

Into the land of the living
Black bleeds orange into blue
I am coming to life,
Light is breaking through

I can hear the bells in the city
Across the ancient shore
I am ready to fight
Let down the scarlet cord

It's time to shed this masquerade

You cannot love in moderation
Dancing with a dead man's bones
Lay your soul
On the threshing floor

Between the walls of the river,
Shoulders bare the sacred stones
We made it alive
We are not alone

Kiss the ground
And change your name

You cannot love in moderation
You're dancing with a dead man's bones
Lay your soul
On the threshing floor

I heard the distant battle drum
The mockingbird spoke in tongues
Longing for the day to come
I set my face, forsook my fears
I saw the city through my tears
The darkness soon will disappear
And be swallowed by the sun

I am coming home
I am coming home
I am coming home
I am coming home... 

Copyright Matthew Perryman Jones

title track from the album Land of the Living

Check out MPJ's music at mpjmusic.com

or Youtube

or iTunes

I Spy Beauty...

A (sometimes) weekly post about beauty seen, heard or discovered

A young girl/woman from Sierra Leone stands before a room of a (predominately) white, privileged crowd and speaks of trying to overcome the scars of her past life in this new land. Of being given space and words through the wonderful work of Sydney Story Factory. This brave young woman moves me to tears as she shares a poem entitled, 'Home, away from home' and speaks of the hope she has in the power of words to free her from the demons of the past. 

Sitting across from a friend talking about life and religion and belief and sexuality and church and friendship and things in between. Knowing that while we share a common painful present, we share faith and hope and thirst for knowledge in so much more.

Listening to a political hero speak with astonishing grace and dignity about the depressing state of local and global politics. About the need for each and every individual to be a brave voice of peace and activism in a world obsessed with greed. And then showing us how it is done by living the example.

A educator, musician and conductor describes the intricate power and beauty of bringing a work of art to life. "And if no one comes to see it, it really doesn't matter. I followed the vision I was given"

Listening and singing along to old favourite hymns. Transported to memories of Grandma and Dad singing and teaching me the words. Words I still know in my heart today.

A week with many moments of beauty.... If I keep my soul open to see.