Monday, May 28, 2012

The Land of Dirt

The land of dirt is in my veins.
I was just three when my feet
first touched the light beige soil.
I was three when I first saw
a leper, wearing rags and begging
in front of the western burger restaurant.
I stared at the remnant, dead tree at the zoo,
imagining the sandy desert stretching
thousands of kilometres with not one tree left.
As I played in the dirt with my brothers
and tobogganed down the dunes on the edge of the city,
I was mildly aware:
Of the women at the river
washing their clothes by hand,
carrying children on their backs
and loads of wood on their head,
pounding what little yam or millet they had
to feed their families.
At three, and four and five and six, I was curious
about why people washed in such a brown, dirty river
and what the beggar man ate for dinner.
I understood that I lived on the edge
of the biggest, driest desert on earth
and that growing plants was near impossible.
And I understood that when I contracted a disease
rarely experienced in the developed world,
I had the medicine to save my life
in a day.

The land of dirt is in my veins.
Thousands of kilometres away and comfortably cool,
my walls contain fabric pictures
from another world.
Mementos of a place far removed from this
green, humid land-
soapstone elephants and wooden bowls.
Photographs of mud brick temples and nomads on their camels
remind me of an existence
most around me will never know.
I am twelve. And I remember
the women on the banks of the river
with babies on the backs and loads of wood on their heads.

The land of dirt is in my veins.
Although I sit in a state-of-the-art university
I am transported to the dirt
by the film showing the women
and the disease the babies on their backs
are dying from.
The land of dirt
appears without hope, without help.
Stories of economy, of corruption, of debt,
complicate and obscure the obvious-
In the land of dirt
life is unfair, unjust,
people are hungry
and people die
at rates not seen anywhere else in the world.
I am moved to learn-
the economics, the corruption, the debt,
to un-complicate the hopelessness and
locate the hope for the women at the river
with babies on their backs and loads of wood on their heads.

It’s 2012 and the women
are on the front page of a far away newspaper.
My mind trades the comfort of Sydney
for the river banks of the river in Niamey.
The horrific statistics no longer shock me,
the images no longer make me sick,
I know the babies are dying
and the women have no food to feed their families.
In Niger there is a drought
there is famine
there is hopelessness.
But I remember the women at the river
with babies on the backs and loads of wood on their head.

And because the land of dirt is in my veins
I will tell their story.

----
The place of my childhood - Niger- is facing one of it's worst famines in the last century. It is land-locked country almost entirely made up of Sahara Desert. It is one of the most undeveloped nations in the world, frequently seen at the bottom of the UNDP index and with some of the most consistently terrible women and child health statistics. 
Thankfully, it has begun to make it into our news in the past few weeks. But unfortunately the reality currently facing the country is not new and is the result of consistent neglect from the international community. The perfect storm of climate change-induced severe drought, rising food prices and poor aid and development responses to it's unique problems are causing widespread hunger and malnutrition.
This place holds a special place in my heart.

Here is a link to the story (including image gallery) from this weekend's Sydney Morning Herald that inspired the poem: A Tragedy in Niger

If you are interested in supporting any of the immediate relief efforts here are some links:

And for some further context, read this recent media release from Oxfam: Joint study finds Niger communities will run out of food before next harvest

Thank you for listening....

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I Spy Beauty...

A weekly post of beauty seen heard or discovered
"What if the closest I get to the moment is now"
It is a haunting question that Katie Herzig poses in her beautiful song 'The Closest I Get'.

Last Saturday I spent the day with some of the dearest people in my world- William, Sascha and Vivienne (and their lovely parents!) They are aged five, two and a half and one, respectively. I love them like they are my own children. And now that I live an hour away I don't get to see them anywhere near as much as I would like.
As I was preparing for Will's 5th birthday party and playing with them, I caught myself feeling sad at what I am missing out on, how much they are growing between visits, and the fact that at some point that evening I would have to leave them.
(And if I'm to be brutally honest, I was also feeling emotional about whether I will ever have the blessing of my own family.)
Then in a moment as I was sitting on the floor cuddling a giggling and happy Vivienne, I was struck with an epiphany- by being sad and sorry for myself I was missing the moment!
Here I was with a precious little human who wanted to play with me and I was somewhere else.
And Katie Herzig's song came to mind... "what if the closest I get to the moment is now?"
What if I miss the joy and beauty of a child's love and play because I am too caught up in myself?
It was still hard to kiss them goodnight and tuck them into bed later that night knowing I wouldn't be there in the morning, but I experienced all the rest of the evening's moments as best I could.

Watch Katie's song...
 

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I Spy Beauty...

A weekly post of beauty seen, heard or discovered

 This afternoon I sat out on my porch with a cup of coffee and some uni reading to do.
... not much reading got done...
But I sat. I listened to the noise of children playing in the lane behind our house, the sounds of a band practicing in a garage nearby, the birds and wind (along with the occasional Boeing 747 overhead!).
I looked out at the changing colours of the vines in our yard and the beautiful clear blue sky.
And I felt at peace.
I have spent much of this week feeling very unwell, miserable and sorry for myself - I'm not very good at being sick. And my mind is full of worry at so many things. Like uni and relationships and money and where to live and my health and what the future holds.
But in that moment, I was so grateful for taking the time to sit and enjoy the beauty of reality right there.
There was a time when I had no idea how to do that. And another wave of gratefulness came over me as I realised the growth - the autumns, winters, springs and summers - that have allowed me to come to this place... of spying beauty....
God is faithful. And beautiful.
I am blessed.

Now to get back to that uni reading....

Sunday, April 22, 2012

I Spy Beauty...

A weekly post of beauty seen, heard or discovered

This week has been a bit ordinary. And sometimes I find it hard to see God and beauty and time in the ordinary.

But I keep coming back to some words in Sara Grove's new song, 'Precious Again'.
"Promise that just when love grows cold
You'll make it precious...
Press mud with holy fingers
Light the ineffable
Fused in the ordinary
So much to wonder..."(copyright 2011 Sara Groves Music)
The 'ordinary' around us is laden with beauty if we have eyes to see it. I believe God speaks to us through the ordinary just as much as the extraordinary- Jesus certainly did.

May we have eyes to see the BEAUTY and take it in.

Check out the full song 'Precious Again'.

And Sara's commentary on the story behind the song.

Monday, April 16, 2012

I Spy Beauty...

A weekly post of beauty seen, heard or discovered

On the road from West Wyalong to Hay. I didn't know such red dirt existed in NSW.
Just outside Hay, the intense greenery of post-flood land.
Floods are devastating, but the colours on this day were stunning.
On the Hay Plain, one of the flattest places on earth. A magical Easter Sunday morning.
Henley Beach, Adelaide.
I do love jetty's
The colour of the sea in South Australia is breathtaking.
Port Willunga, south of Adelaide.
Hugh Hamilton Vineyards, McLaren Vale (south-east of Adelaide).
This past week I saw parts of the Australian country as I road-tripped with my mum to visit my sister in Adelaide.
It was definitely BEAUTIFUL.
God put on a magical colour show for me- none of the above pictures have any filters! I felt my soul being recharged as I watched the scenery go by me on the drive; I didn't want to nap in case I missed out on any of it.

Seeing the flooding, and it's aftermath, in south-western NSW was also amazing. My mum can not recall ever seeing the land so green. I reflected on this in my journal the day we drove through...
"I know that flooding can cause farmers just as much damage and difficulty as drought, but when the floodwaters have receded it looks as if the land is so full of life and better than ever. It is sad that our world and environment are experiencing such extremes from droughts to large floods, that communities are forced to struggle to make a living so dependent on the seasons of weather. And yet seeing the countryside recovering and rejuvenating itself was phenomenal."

All in all, it was a week filled with seeing beauty in God's creation.... I am so grateful.

Monday, April 9, 2012

I Spy Beauty...

A weekly post of beauty seen, heard or discovered

Poppies

Mary Oliver

The poppies send up their

orange flares; swaying

in the wind, their congregations

are a levitation


of bright dust, of thin

and lacy leaves.

There isn't a place

in this world that doesn't


sooner or later drown

in the indigos of darkness,

but now, for a while,

the roughage


shines like a miracle

as it floats above everything

with its yellow hair.

Of course nothing stops the cold,


black, curved blade

from hooking forward—

of course

loss is the great lesson.


But I also say this: that light

is an invitation

to happiness,

and that happiness,


when it's done right,

is a kind of holiness,

palpable and redemptive.

Inside the bright fields,


touched by their rough and spongy gold,

I am washed and washed

in the river

of earthly delight—


and what are you going to do—

what can you do

about it—

deep, blue night?

sourced from: http://www.cs.berkeley.edu/~richie/poetry/html/aupoem142.html


I only discovered the poetry of Mary Oliver in the last year, and I have very quickly fallen in love.

While being bogged down in a mountain of study last week, I was excited to see a Mary Oliver poem on my text list for English class.

And I was blown away by this one!

Redemption from, and through, darkness is such a large part of my story. So I was instantly drawn to this reflection on light and darkness. Everything might die or darken, but we can still appreciate beauty and happiness... And as Oliver writes doing so "is a kind of holiness,/palpable and redemptive."

Sunday, April 1, 2012

I Spy Beauty...

A weekly post of beauty seen, heard or discovered



It's been a hard week. And I've found myself humming this song so many times.
I think it speaks for itself - so hope-filled and beautiful!

Since I last mentioned The Civil Wars on this blog they have won multiple Grammy's. I think they deserve it!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

I Spy Beauty...

A weekly post of beauty seen, heard or discovered
Epiphany
Unclench your fists
Hold out your hands.
Take mine.
Let us hold each other.
Thus is his Glory
Manifest
from 'The Ordering of Love: the new and collected poems of Madeleine L'Engle' (2005), page 139.
I have been thinking about community these past few weeks. This poem is a beautiful description of true community and intimacy.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Living the Questions, Today

...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903 in Letters to a Young Poet

It’s been over ten years since I first read this quote, thanks to Carolyn Arends and her life-changing book ‘Living the Questions’. I have spent those ten years continually looking for the beauty and hope in this truth. Sometimes it’s been a battle to the death- the death of something broken in me. Sometimes the truth has been found in a moment of resolute relinquishment. Sometimes I simply gave up searching…. And in that space, found the truth.

Today my questions are much bigger, and perhaps more frightening, than I could of imagined at 18. How do you comfort a 30-something friend diagnosed with cancer, who doesn’t know the power of love and redemption? Will I ever know the intimacy of a soul mate? What would it look like to no longer live in fear of chronic depression and anxiety?

But like I did at 18, I still believe in God. The God of infinite mystery, yes, but also the God of infinite grace and love and HOPE. That belief is what ultimately drives me to keep living the questions… and waiting for the answers. At 18 I couldn’t be given some of the answers I asked of God. I now know I was incapable of understanding. But slowly, through the mess and beauty of life placed before me, God has granted a few answers. Enough to keep me believing and enough to keep me asking.

And though I have yet to learn the answers to today’s questions, I live in the hope that the God of mystery will help me to live each day to the fullest.

As Switchfoot says in their song ‘Meant to live’:

Maybe we've been living with our eyes half open

Maybe we're bent and broken…

…We were meant to live for so much more

That’s my answer, and my question, for today.

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Beautiful moments of 2011

At the start of the year I wrote about not making too many plans or goals because life will inevitably get in the way.
“Perhaps in reflecting on the year that’s been and planning for the year ahead I should focus more on my hopes and dreams, my ability to grow and adapt and transform the way I see myself and the world and the God who created it all. I’m not sure yet how to achieve this... But I’d like to resolve to LIVE more, to see beauty, seek justice, be intentional in my relationships, be creative... and when unexpected things come along to embrace them, experience and grow through them.”
I didn't know how prophetic that was! In May/June this year I was blind-sided by the worst episode of Major Depression I've ever experienced. I came to the precipice of a nervous breakdown and it has taken the rest of the year to crawl back from the ledge.
But in some moment of “sanity”, I vowed to seek out and enjoy any moment or glimpse of beauty I could as a means of survival.
So instead of a ‘Top Ten of 2011’-type list I’m just going to mention some of the top beautiful things I heard, read or seen this year...

Music
Music is always my best medicine. Music has always held a profound place in my life, especially during my mental illness. So here’s the most influential from this year...

The Waking Sleep by Katie Herzig
If this was a Top Ten list, number one is the only position I’d be certain of – this album. This album is hauntingly beautiful, heartbreaking, childish fun and just plain stunning – both lyrically and musically. Who could go past such beautiful lines as... “my faith lies between daises and pews” (from Daises and Pews) This album has breathed hope and life into my heart every day since it was released in September.
And check out this super fun video of the first single “Free My Mind”

Vice Verses by Switchfoot
You know those albums you hear and you think they were written exactly for you in that particular moment of time?
Vice Verses was written about my life this year.
I wish I could have written the song Thrive: “No I’m not alright/I know that I’m not right/Feels like I travel but never arrive/I want to thrive not just survive”. And I think this album rivals The Beautiful Letdown as Switchfoot’s finest work.

Barton Hollow by The Civil Wars
The moment you hear the harmonious vocals of John Paul White and Joy Williams I’m certain you will be mesmerised, just like I was. The stunning simplicity of this album is phenomenal. In my opinion, there is definitely a good reason why this self made, indie duo from Nashville has become one of the most acclaimed acts of 2011 across the world.
Check out this beautiful single “Poison and Wine”


People and Things by Jack’s Mannequin
I always seem to find something inherently hopeful about Andrew McMahon’s (aka Jack’s Mannequin) piano driven music, regardless of the lyrics or content of the songs.
I mean who’d have thought you could make a song entitled “Hey Hey Hey (We’re all gonna die)” sound so good?!

Invisible Empires by Sara Groves
Sara Groves has a consistent spot in my playlist. I think it’s because her lyrics always touch me, challenge and inspire me, regardless of how mediocre or brilliant the album is. This year was no different. She puts beautiful words and heart to the doubts and mysteries of our faith.... and I’m very grateful.

Other artists who have had top places in my playlist this year: Matthew Perryman Jones, Mumford & Sons, Amy Kuney, Brooke Waggoner, Wakey! Wakey! and Butterfly Boucher.

Words
Reading for enjoyment has largely gone by the wayside this year, mainly because it’s not really enjoyable! My concentration, especially at the worst of times is appalling, so taking three months to read something is a bit of a drag!
I have found a lot of solace in poetry.
This year I’ve discovered the work of both Wendell Berry and Mary Oliver. Both of them have unique ways of revealing the messy beauty of humanity and nature. I have found great comfort in their poetic voices.

The most phenomenal writer I have come into contact with this year is Colombian Ingrid Betancourt. She was one of the keynote speakers at Sydney’s Writers Festival in May. Considering Ingrid spent seven years in the Colombian jungle as a hostage of FARC (Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia) this woman is definitely one of the most graceful, peaceful and brave women I have ever met. The way she speaks of experiences and choosing to live our best in the darkness was incredibly moving. I’m still attempting to work my way through her incredible (and huge) memoir “Even Silence Has An End”.

In a very dark year there has been many beautiful moments; small and large. And I’m particularly grateful for the eyes to see them.
As Anne Lamott says: “Hope begins in the dark. You wait and watch and work and don’t give up.” That’s how I’m going to end 2011.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!